Friday, October 22, 2010

You Just Don't Get It...

Welcome back, fans... and by fans, I mean fan... and by fan, I mean you mom.

You ever have someone that just doesn't get it?  Doesn't get the clue/hint/warning signs/atomic explosions of "go away?"

Let me explain...

Say, you're living your life, having a good time, being a fun and outgoing person.  People come in and out of your life all the time.  Some people just don't get the memo on the going back out part.

Maybe you get invited to a party or to play some football in the park or a professional sporting event or any other number of fun and young gathering places.  You're being social.  You're making friends.  As this is going on, you're making mental notes of everyone there, guys and girls... "(S)he could be a friend..."  "(S)he could be dating material..."  "(S)he is someone I never want to talk to again..."  "(S)he is someone I have nothing in common with..."

There are a lot of ways that can go.  Unfortunately, the other person you just threw into those first two groups could always be throwing you into the latter two groups.  You just need to make sure to not be the person I'm talking about, and take a clue.

You've got yourself a clinger.  Hopefully not a stage 5, but a clinger none the less.  BOOM!  Facebook friend request the next day, or worse, that night.  BANG!  Facebook messages, emails, gchat friend requests!

OK, this is all innocent enough actually... it's what happens next.

A friendly thing to do would be to invite someone out, no big deal.  It's a feeler.  If the person is non-responsive and comes up with some lame excuse about needing to stay in or wanting to finish some books, that's a big glaring "We're not hanging out ever."  If the person has a legitimate reason to not hang out, it may be worth your time to try again later.  If the person is game, well, you're doing better than me.

It's the person that even after getting that first response... does not quit.  Seriously, if you keep asking someone to hang out, and they keep either coming up with excuses or, even worse, just ignores you... it's time to give it up.  Valiant effort.  He's just not that into you.

There's something to be said for persistence, and given the right situation, I'm sure it can be charming and endearing, but it's not even like there's a lot of grey area there.  It can be pretty black and white.  If you get this type of clinger, the best bet is to run.  Block them.  Get away.

This can be tricky if you have interwoven groups of friends.  In that case, you need to be using your mutual friends to run coverage for you and plant the seed of "Get the f**k away from me."

This is really a two part system here... 1) the clinger needs to learn when and where (s)he's wanted and when not.  2)  The clingee needs to be able to identify the clinger early enough as to not get sucked into the tentacles of clinginess and just get the F outta there.

Unfortunately, I think we've all been on both sides of this equation at one time or another... it's just a question of which better defines you.

Saturday, August 21, 2010

Your Girlfriend's Actual Seven Evil Exes.

Saw this today, and thought it was pretty funny... and accurate.  The worst is #7, the "Still Friends" ex.  I love how the girl is the only person alive that can't tell the dude just wants to get back with her.  Smarmy ass hat...

http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1808406

Thursday, March 18, 2010

Things that drive men crazy?

So, I haven't posted in a while... well, that's because I haven't really been given any ammo... at least nothing immediately recognizable.  I did however come across this little diddy of an article.  It's not bad.  Take a look for yourself:

http://www.womansday.com/Articles/Family-Lifestyle/Relationships/10-Things-That-Turn-Men-Off.html

Monday, February 8, 2010

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Debbie Downer

Have you ever dated someone that's so insufferable that you just end up getting sucked into her pit of despair?

Let me paint a picture:

I've just had a super long Wednesday. I'm tired. I'm overworked. All I can think about is heading home, making some dinner, maybe opening a bottle of wine, popping in Disc 3 of my MacGyver dvd set and spending some quality time alone with her. I get home and start cooking up a meal, she comes over to my place, I go in for a little smoochy smooch... you get a peck that's even small for a parakeet. Then it happens...

"You will NOT believe the day I've had..."

OK, let's set some grey area here. (I love grey area). If this was legitimately a bad day... a once in a blue moon type of crap-fest at work kind of day... then I can understand. This post is about Debbie Downer herself. This post is about the girl that does it every single time.

Look, the LAST thing I want to think about when I get off work is... WORK! If it's something like an ongoing project or a certain bureaucratic mess than you encounter every single day, maybe I'm not the person you should be talking to... although, I love to listen.

I'm talking about the girl that comes home and wants to act like the world is ending because Jason forgot to staple his time report again or because Jill forgot to initial page two of the purchase order and you had to walk over to her desk to remind her!

I wouldn't go so far as to say "misery loves company" and she just wants to make you miserable too, I just honestly think girls like this think it's a natural reaction, possibly a good way to cope with these frustrations.

Think about this combustible relationship: Guy likes to bolt from work at 5PM and head home thinking about whatever he's going to occupy himself with for the rest of the day until bedtime. Girl kind of lingers at work, telling everyone how she can't wait to get out of there, thinks about how ridiculous "situation X" is the whole way home, stewing and building steam, until she walks through the door and like a tea-pot that's at its boiling point, just erupts on Guy.

Now, again, this isn't a bad thing in and of itself, but if you're a nice, super, compassionate, and caring boyfriend like me, you want to listen and talk and make everything better. You want to solve all the problems of the world. You are the most rational man in the room at all times. You put off going to the gym, or cooking dinner, or popping in that movie, or whatever else you had planned so you can hear about pookies' day.

At what point do your plans or your feelings come into play.

This whole situation is mentally and emotionally exhausting for both parties, but especially on the optimistic Guy that used to be so excited about going home from work to do all the fun things he and Girl could be doing.

At what point does Guy think it wouldn't be so bad to stay a little late at work instead of going home and hearing an ear-ful.

At what point does Guy start pining for a weekly happy hour with the guys... or going to the driving range from work... or a basketball game... or any excuse not to go home.

Listen; don't start thinking that I'm saying I don't want to hear your problems, I'm just saying, are they really big problems? Or perhaps are you a bit of a drama queen? Sometimes when a girl that's selfish by nature works a low level job at an office, she needs to create a way to get that ego-boost from another source. As a boyfriend, I am clearly dating you because I think you are beautiful and wonderful and fun and smart and made of sugar and cinnamon and rainbows, but like anything else, if you abuse it... you could lose it.

There's a difference between being at the driving range with your girl and having her say in passing, "George forgot his exemption form again, can you believe that?" And her being too bummed out to go to the driving range, or anywhere else for that matter, because George forgot his exemption form again.

Think about it in the grand scheme of things. Honestly...

I dunno, maybe I'm just too much of an optimist, but from my experience pessimism is more contagious and destructive for a relationship than optimism.

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

The Round-Mound of Rebound...

Let’s talk rebounds…

Let’s talk getting back at ex-boyfriends…

Let’s talk crazy girls…

Have you ever seen what happens to a girl that’s not taking a break-up well? There are a few ways she can go:

1) The woe-is-me. The name explains it all. This girl is crushed and doesn’t know what to do with herself. If it’s extreme enough, it’s going to be crazy… but generally these girls don’t get off the couch, don’t take off their sweatpants, and start buying the ranch dressing in gallon jugs… so they don’t have time to interact with anyone new.

2) The “I’ll go out, but I won’t enjoy it.” This girl doesn’t mind going out. Her friends want to make her have fun, but it’s just not going to happen. She’ll go to the party, but striking up a conversation is going to be like pulling teeth. She wants to get over the ex, but just isn’t ready. This girl doesn’t engage anyone enough to have a crazy impact. Sometimes referred to as Debbie Downer.

3) The “I’m totally over him (but not really)!” This girl is like the last one, but is going to lie about how she really feels to the detriment of everyone around her… including herself.

We’ll be breaking down each of these girls to some extent, and possibly creating new categories as we see fit, but for the sake of this post, we’ll be focusing on girl #3.

Let’s start from the top. Guy and Girl are in a relationship… the length of the relationship is directly proportional to the amount of bat-sh*t craziness that’s going to happen after the fact, also the girls craziness itself is exponentially proportional to craziness that will ensue. If I could put this into a mathematical formula, it would probably look something like this:

(Relationship Length) * (Girls Demeanor) ^ (Intrinsic Craziness) = (New Crazy Levels)

Here’s the thing, this girl wants to show her dumper (I could just say “ex-boyfriend” but dumper made me laugh) that she’s fine without him. She doesn’t want him to think he’s bringing her down! The problem is that 99.99% of the time when a guy breaks up with a girl, it means he’s over her. So, while she’s out partying and “sticking it” to her ex… he’s out not caring… probably playing Xbox or something.
Let’s recap: girl is now acting crazier than she ever has before. Dumper doesn’t notice at all. Girl’s friends are left as collateral damage to take care of her/clean up her mess.

That’s right. There are two reactions to your behavior. 1) Every guy you meet while in this mode immediately thinks, “This girl is ridiculous and freakin’ nuts.” Only a masochist would willingly date someone they meet for the first time in this mode. 2) Your friends may think it’s “funny” or “great for getting over” the dumper… but that quickly wears off once they’re left holding your hair back every night or listening as you cry about that guy you sucked face with last night after $1 jello shot hour.

Word will get back to the dumper and what’s his response going to be? “Boy did I make the right decision to dump her.”

So, let us again recap: The ex-boyfriend is even more pleased he left you. Your friends are sick of you acting like a skank that can’t control her behavior/handle her liquor. Any new guys you meet are going to think you are nuts, and not worth anything more than one night.

Talk about your all-time backfires.

Now everyone handles situations different, and everyone is going to get over relationships differently… the point that needs to be made is two-fold… lay off the ranch dressing and don’t act like a fool… with your pants on the ground…