Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Debbie Downer

Have you ever dated someone that's so insufferable that you just end up getting sucked into her pit of despair?

Let me paint a picture:

I've just had a super long Wednesday. I'm tired. I'm overworked. All I can think about is heading home, making some dinner, maybe opening a bottle of wine, popping in Disc 3 of my MacGyver dvd set and spending some quality time alone with her. I get home and start cooking up a meal, she comes over to my place, I go in for a little smoochy smooch... you get a peck that's even small for a parakeet. Then it happens...

"You will NOT believe the day I've had..."

OK, let's set some grey area here. (I love grey area). If this was legitimately a bad day... a once in a blue moon type of crap-fest at work kind of day... then I can understand. This post is about Debbie Downer herself. This post is about the girl that does it every single time.

Look, the LAST thing I want to think about when I get off work is... WORK! If it's something like an ongoing project or a certain bureaucratic mess than you encounter every single day, maybe I'm not the person you should be talking to... although, I love to listen.

I'm talking about the girl that comes home and wants to act like the world is ending because Jason forgot to staple his time report again or because Jill forgot to initial page two of the purchase order and you had to walk over to her desk to remind her!

I wouldn't go so far as to say "misery loves company" and she just wants to make you miserable too, I just honestly think girls like this think it's a natural reaction, possibly a good way to cope with these frustrations.

Think about this combustible relationship: Guy likes to bolt from work at 5PM and head home thinking about whatever he's going to occupy himself with for the rest of the day until bedtime. Girl kind of lingers at work, telling everyone how she can't wait to get out of there, thinks about how ridiculous "situation X" is the whole way home, stewing and building steam, until she walks through the door and like a tea-pot that's at its boiling point, just erupts on Guy.

Now, again, this isn't a bad thing in and of itself, but if you're a nice, super, compassionate, and caring boyfriend like me, you want to listen and talk and make everything better. You want to solve all the problems of the world. You are the most rational man in the room at all times. You put off going to the gym, or cooking dinner, or popping in that movie, or whatever else you had planned so you can hear about pookies' day.

At what point do your plans or your feelings come into play.

This whole situation is mentally and emotionally exhausting for both parties, but especially on the optimistic Guy that used to be so excited about going home from work to do all the fun things he and Girl could be doing.

At what point does Guy think it wouldn't be so bad to stay a little late at work instead of going home and hearing an ear-ful.

At what point does Guy start pining for a weekly happy hour with the guys... or going to the driving range from work... or a basketball game... or any excuse not to go home.

Listen; don't start thinking that I'm saying I don't want to hear your problems, I'm just saying, are they really big problems? Or perhaps are you a bit of a drama queen? Sometimes when a girl that's selfish by nature works a low level job at an office, she needs to create a way to get that ego-boost from another source. As a boyfriend, I am clearly dating you because I think you are beautiful and wonderful and fun and smart and made of sugar and cinnamon and rainbows, but like anything else, if you abuse it... you could lose it.

There's a difference between being at the driving range with your girl and having her say in passing, "George forgot his exemption form again, can you believe that?" And her being too bummed out to go to the driving range, or anywhere else for that matter, because George forgot his exemption form again.

Think about it in the grand scheme of things. Honestly...

I dunno, maybe I'm just too much of an optimist, but from my experience pessimism is more contagious and destructive for a relationship than optimism.


  1. I believe that people should leave work @ WORK! Life is too short to sweat the "small" stuff and allow yourself to be tied down with meaningless things e.g. someone not stapling a report. I believe we often take our love ones for "granted" and not cherish them. Women like Debbie need to open their minds and realize that work should not consume their lives. Ultimately, they will miss out on what's most important. Good Blog.